Elena Filipova — A Non Love Letter

A Non Love Letter

This is a letter to everyone I've ever loved
Not a love letter per se
As the word has carried different weights
with each person.

Just a letter to say I still think of you
and other cliche things
people like to say
years after it's over.

This letter starts with "dear"
gets crossed out
Then "hi"
seems okay.

What I really wanted to say
is that thoughts of you still flood my head
as if by accident.

They appear quickly
and vanish soon after
with almost no pain at all.

Those thoughts used to be waves
taller than skyscrapers.
They'd crash every hour;
I couldn't escape.

Now they're small puddles
I admire from afar.

A vision of you on the subway
with that hat I had bought.
It all makes me smile
I bet you think I forgot.

This letter says thank you
for each of you
crossing my path in sequence
for some length of time.

Though I appear busy now;
even shamelessly smitten
with shiny new toys,
just know that you're here
surfacing when you need to.

It just doesn't make sense
to try to erase
such clearly permanent ink
blotched heavy with brushes
I've since misplaced.

The letter ends simply,
a rhetorical request:
if thoughts of me surface
please don't leave them curbside.

I'm holding too many pieces
and I like to think that
yours are as valuable as mine.